When did I stop making sticks with ribbons?

What a fucking day.
I started training as a cashier to pick up some extra hours. Fuck that noise.
My friend Matt is a manager up there. He's pretty awesome...sometimes he makes me laugh. I was pumped to hang out with him. Unfortunately he did not train me. An older woman did. Vooonnnnnaaaaa.....she is a trip and a half.
Her husband died 6 months ago. She told me this about 341 times today. She talks about being a widow the way I talk about being an artist. Like it was something she had to go to school for and she has literally earned a degree in having her spouse die. But two seconds later she talks abotu how much of a hit she is at the senior citizen center. I guess she really struts her newly single goods there. All the men says she got the best old ass they've ever seen. I'll be honest, if I were a horny 78 year old, I'd tap that.
But only if she didn't talk. Her voice seeps through my veins like pieces of glass that are on fire. I listened to her all day and I actually had to listen becasue she's the one who was telling me what to do. By the end of the day I didn't need her anymore. The better I did at my job the less she talked. I decided to make it my own personal game to see how long I could get her to go without talking. My high score was about a half an hour. She has tomorrow off so I win by default. I think I've created the best game ever, it may be more addictive than Guitar Hero.

Nah not quite.

I'm also the topic of conversation at the grochery story because I said something I shouldn't have to the destrict manager. Keep in mind that as soon as I was introduced to Marcel, his title soon followed. I had to hold back my laughter becasue my mind instantly connects to Steve Carrel's character in The Office. I wish I could have recorded this guy, he was everything and more. I mean I could write a book about this guy and I only talked to him for about 3 minutes. But word gets around when you work for a corporation and he knew who I was way before I even knew he existed. He had a plan when he said those few words to me.

"So how are you liking your job?" he asked with this big goofy smile on his face. He asked like he was expecting me to literally get down on my knees and praise his name tag because my job rocked so hard.
But I contined wiping down the counter, laughed under my breath and said "Its not the worst job I've ever had" and then gave him my best 'your my favorite customer smile"
He in turn smiled nervously and replyed "Well, lets work on this being the best job you've ever had." I could tell he wanted to give me an freindly pat on the back and do a secret handshake. He wanted to know that he was the district manager to the happiest underpayed overworked people in the universe. He wanted to sleep soundly that night.He wanted to be the prettiest girl at the ball.
Luckily there were customers waiting for me to get them a peice of delicious carrot cake, so I excused myself and left him standing there with Sheryl. Sheryl, the bronzed store manager who shapes her bangs to a perfect point and curls the ends of her bob into perfect half circles. SHe looks like a walking pyramid. I lovingly call her triangle head.
She later explained to me that I could learn a lot from him. I lovingly disagreed.


And there's what I like to think of as my "real" life.
I'm working on new work for a gallery in Nova Scotia that I was nominated to be a part of. I've decided to to stray away from the city scene and gravitate towards something I know more intimately....irony. I've never felt so much a part of my art. It feels so much like something I was born to tell. As i am creating these characters its interesting to see how much they relate to the people in my life. Its a quiet way of judgement that puts me in the narrator position.
My dating scene is sometimes a part of this "real" life. Although not that often. But today when I got home from work I had a message from a voice I always look forward to hearing. "Hey I was just thinking about how you like to put ribbons on sticks.I like that about you. I went to a cafe and someone had put some ribbons on a stick and hung it like you do. I never got that, but they get it out here. Maybe if you answered your phone more often I could tell you about these things." He went on to threaten me if I was screening my calls and then apologized. And then he said he missed me more than the snow. I like hearing his deep voice talk about sticks with ribbons. Its kinda like giving a starving man some fruit, a peice of bread, maybe a latte with thick foam. It just feels good.

Timing is such a bitch.

I was laughing and dancing and freaking the hell out

I had a marelous night with the one and only Kate Glenn. My drive up there was a bit scarey. The roads to Paul Smith are not straight nor are they lined with lights and signs that that point me directly to the destination. I never got lost, I did however get extremely paranoid. This lead to me stopping every other mile to ask for directions and making a 2 hour trip take 3 hours. I also had no idea I'd have to drive through Lak Placid, the home to the 1980 Olympics. Its like a city that never got over high school. And by the way, Lake Placid still have all their Christmas lights up, wreaths, bulbs, trees and all. It was freaking amazing. Olymic obsesion behind, Christmas saved Lake Pacid in my mind.
In the end I got there. And welcome to sausage fest 2008, thank you very much God for inventing a foresty major. I've never seen that many men in one place in a very long time. I have also never seen so many steel toed boots...they look good with any outfit. So do camo vests, very slimming.

Another great thing happened. Kate had to go play grown up this morning after breakfast, so I watched Across the Universe. Woah what an amazing film. The story is kinda blah, but it doesn't matter. I wanna watch this movie everyday until I die. When the genius of the Beatles is mixed with the awesomeness of a musical....words cannot describe the happiness that comes over every dark part of my life. The movie even furthered my unhealthy want to have my own life be a musical. All I want is one song. 3 minutes of my life at any point in time. When everyone in the room or on the street or in the resturant knows the words to the same song. There willl obviously be a lot of fresh dance moves going on, smiling, and fucking jazz hands. And thats it. Then we all go home and move on with our lives. Its a smal thing really...some little girls want ponies. I want Gene Kelly and melodies in the rain.

So here's my fav clip from the movie. Kate loved the movie but mentioned that this is one of the worst parts to the movie.
I disagree.



I'm gonna give up all the current men I'm dating and actively pursue someone British. A vest would be a plus.
I recomend anyone who is single to do this. It'll probably be worth it.

The Wal-Mart in Sandusky Michigan is a palace of great deals and world peace.

I big sigh of relief is running through my body.

I got to hang out with real people last night...all the world makes sense when you get to talk about the world with people who fuckin get you. Even if you end up admitting shit that you desperately wanted to keep to yourself. I'm the worst secret keeper in the world, even if they're my own fucking secrets. Do not tell me things that you don't want anyone to know. I will post that shit on YouTube, write a song about it, and maybe star in a reality show about it. Then I'll be like "Dude I told you, you only have yourself to balme"

But then I'll do my Snoop Dog impression when I get drunk. So it might be a situation that's worth getting into. Gotta weigh the give and take precisely.

So Ang, how's the dating going? Um do not ask this question. I do not have an answer that will make sense. I did get an awesome letter from my favorite this morning. A hand written letter, its always so sickenly romantic when I get these letters. And I would totally laugh at these notes if I wasn't so helplessly melted afterward. I hate when my new critical view of love is challenged. He'll be much closer in March and I'm gonna be so pumped to see his face walk into my door. I then I get the kiss. The kiss I had to awkwardly avoid the last time he was here because my boyfriend was in the other room.

Oh I just have to say this. Babies. What is the fuckin deal with babies. There is practically a motosycle gang of pregnant women in my life. Jesus christ, when did I get to the point in my life where my friends and family getting pregnant doesn't mean another woman to add to the teen statisic of kids not using birth control. I have to be excited that someone is gonna squat out a child and act like its a completely normal part of life. Woah. Am I on acid right now?

I had an out of body experience this week. Teaching a class for a day. Did you know that I actually know things? Did you know that helping someone figure out their work is incredibly rewarding? Did you know that I loved every second and it sealed my choice to go the grad school? Did you know that after the class I talked to Richard and I fucking love that man with all my heart? Well if you didn't now you know, and thats how I rock your face off. I tell you things that you don't need to know but make you better person.


or something like that

The Musical Solution to my hate for all that is work.

I didn't know you had lock jaw.

Oh my goodness....I have tomorrow off. After eight days of making cakes and cookies and blah blah blah I have a freaking day off. One thing about working at the bakery that I have found in the past week...I hate everyone there. Sometimes.

My boss is crazy. Not like "Oh man that guy is awesome, he's crazy" More like "Oh man I think that guy got hit in the head with a bat, he's crazy." He always makes the jokes, but they're not even jokes. They're horrible, awkward words in a sentence structure. These "jokes" make you wonder where the punch line is. You wonder until he starts laughing so hard a wet spot appears on his crotch and you realize he thinks he's so funny that he's literally made himself pee. And then he stops and almost whispers under his breath "That's funny...yeah that's funny and if you don't think that's funny you can get the hell out of the bakery right now, right now" And he's crazy enough to actually commit murder if some one did in fact think he was not funny. I never think anything he says is funny, but I just make an inapporate comment about my vagina and he usually leaves me alone. Its a harsh world out there and you gotta know what the hell works.

Then there's Shirley. The oldest person I've ever met. She appears to be this sweet old lady. She has a little granny voice, she walks slower than I thought possible, and she's just so old. The truth...she is fuckin evil. Sometimes she totally freaks out or tells me how much she hates certain people. She would also kill people, but she's blame that shit one someone else.

And that's just the tip of the gems I've met....

I usually take my breaks in the car. If I go to hell, I will forever be in the break room. Everyone who works at the grochery store takes they're breaks in the same little white dirty room. And no one can be in the break room without talking, everyone always has to be talking. Its the first time in my life when I just don't want anyone to fucking talk. What do they talk about...hmm lets see. A lot of wrestling, a passionate love for Nascar, and hot women. Its a fucking boys club. I feel like I should be smoking cigar, holding my penis, and slapping a hooker's ass everytime I have to go in that room. Today a real shining star started up a conversation with me. He literally read me the newspaper, even though I has holding a book I was desperately trying to read for a least two seconds of my break. And then outta nowhere says, "You know what, there ain't tit for jobs in Vermont if your not some college educated jack ass"
......
...
...
...
what do you say to that.
I couldn't even respond to the "college educated jack ass"commet" becasue I was so amazing with his use of the word tit.
I just felt respect for this guy. Even though he was a compete fuckin tit.

And that's about where I'm at.
I'm gonna watch American Idol....don't judge me.

I kicked her because the bitch stole my taco

I had a strange day.
And that's that.
I have weird relationships with most people I know, esspecially men. I think that's the safest thing I've ever wrote on this journal.

It's Valentines Day. Although I feel its my duty as a single person to be angry and all up in your face about how lame this day is, I'm not going to. I'm not going to because I have this day completely under control. You may be asking yourself 'how? that sounds completely impossible. I know Angie, she's crazy....sometimes she's the funny crazy, but mosrt days its just weird and unnerving, there's just no effing way"
Well my friends you are wrong. Becaue today was pretty kick ass day. And here are some of the highlights
A) I kick ass.
B.) I made a lot of cakes for other people's valentines, and I just wasn't in the mood for cake. They produce a lot of crumbs, and that's just a big commitment to eat something like that.
C.) Dave fixed my finger while I was working, and then he asked me out on a date....he's gonna pay. I love free food.
D.) Talked to my California lover. He's pretty and makes me smile like a fool on drugs.
E.) I like the color red.

So obviously this day was aweseom. The only sorta bad thing was my accidental exposure. As I was leaving the bakery, Dave stopped me to tell me something...something about the bread tomorrow...I dont know. As I he has talked I took off my horrible ugly white work shirt that reminds me I work for the man and the tank top I was wearing underneath had sliped down....and then he saw the girls. They were shining in all their valentine glory. Usually I'm not scared of people seeing them, but for some reason the moment caught me off guard and I wanted to fall the floor and curl up in the fetal position. The one where your nipples are completely covered. And so now Dave wants me to be the mother of his children....people love to get a nipple peek. Hell I even like it. It reminds you of the simple things in life.

Hey...lets fold scarves!

I'll probably marry link.

I kick ass.

I had a great great day. I finally got a new table....after how many months??? Jeez Ang get on that. Anywho, I put it all together myself, moved things in and out of my apartment like the Hulk. I was literally growling and turning green as I lugged that huge red excuse for a picnic table down my ice rink steps. Luckily I was wearing bright pink rain boots, so everything was evened out.

Somedays my jokes don'y go over well..."oh you weren't actually talking about tossed salads, you were talking about children getting raped in Africa..I don't get it"
Yeah well, you wouldn't. Jeeesh, you try to bring a level sophisication to a conversation and this is what happens. You know what, eat me..no I'm not talking about salads again. You know, what I'm over this. You suck. Now go buy me a beer. Oh and I'm definetly not sleeping with ever. Actually forget about the beer I'm gonna go watch Two and Half Men until American Idol comes on. I just wanna watch people sing. Then maybe I'll check out Hairspray. I love cross dressed jazz handing people. I gives me hope for this great nation of ours.

So its been an amazing day. I also finished washing ALL my clothes, sheets, towels, and all my other stuff that needed to be washed like a germ soaked bag of everything my life has been the last two weeks. Its awesome how rewarding a trip to Poultney's Laundromat can be. I was even so kind as to making a silver star out of aluminum foil.

And that's all that happening tonight.

I wanna say "that's what she said" but I can't. It is too obvious and not really funny. But I thought about it...I thought about it really hard. And that what I said.

Food for thought....

Is painting dead?
A question that Dick brought up in class.
What haven't we seen?
Makes me think of the conversation that Dawn and I have had serveral times about how there's only really about 20 stories in the world of heartbreak and happiness.
Is there really nothing that has happened to me that hasn't happened a million times to people just like me.
Its depressing and comforting is a stange sorta way.

So what can be said about that?
i don't know.
hmmmmm.....