Honesty is over comming any sense of drive

Honestly
Honestly
Honestly I feel sick. Honestly I don't believe the postive things I tell meself everyday.
Honestly I think I poop to much everyday for a "healthy" person.
Honestly I smoke because it keeps my hands busy,
Honestly I want to go home.
Honestly I want to feel like I'm funny,
Honestly I want people to know who the fuck I am and what I'm doing..or not doing.
Honestly I FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK

Honestly I want to give it all up, work at a gas station, and live a life where no one is asking question.
Did you do this? What are your plans? Who do you wanna be? DId you do that resume, that paper, that sculpture, that application? Did you? Would you? What do you?

NO..I don't, I didn't, I won't, I don't know.

Godamit, where's the hell is my real life?
I wish I could blame this on a person with a penis. But it has nothing to do with that guy.
Just me, I'm the problem here.
I erased my paper...I erased my 17 page paper the morning it was due. I'm starting over.
God, I have a poop again.