Burn down the tree...Christmas is a bitch.

When people talk to single people about being single they say wonderful things like "You're awesome by yourself" "You have so many things going for you" "You will find all those things in someone else" "You have wondeful friends, a wonderful support system, you don't need to be in a relationship because you're not alone" "I totally understand"

Well boys and girls here's the things that don't tell you.
One. Most men a scarey. And they live with their parents, and wear tie-dye wolf shirts, and they say inapropriate things about the size of my breasts, and dating them is more painful that a punch in the face while you're completely sober.
Two. Having a beautiful apartment, cable, wireless internet, a brain for myself, and work ethic are unimportant when you're sitting watching the 4 millionth show of America's Next Top model, listening to your neighbors fight, and listening to your mother tell you you are ridiculous. And to top it off you can't even remember what a penis looks like anymore.
Three. Nights are fucking scarey. God forbid someone comes to the door or calls after midnight because you will literally shit yourself. But you will keep watching Friends, lock your door, and pray no one else visits until it is very light outside.
Four. When it snows, and there are Christmas lights everywhere and you keep hearing every kiss begins with K(ay) after every thing you watch on television, you will feel like shit. And there is no getting around it. I hate Christmas now. Trees, lights, carols, commercials, candy, egg nog, peace. joy, harmony, Rodolph, Santa, North Pole, snow, ice, wreaths, good cheer....every year I get made fun of for the love of these things, but not anymore. Fuck it all. I'm taking down my stupid tree. I hate the damn things, it look as "ridiculous" as my mother says my feelings are. So fucking eat me Chirstmas.
Five. Doesn't matter how many friends you have, you still feel alone. Your friends have their own lives and no one wants to give up a night with their lover to be with their "crazy single friend". I know this only because I didn't want to either when I was in a relationship.


And that my single friends, is the fucking truth. But also know this...somedays are good...somedays are really bad. But in my experience just pretending most days are good when people are watching is the best thing to do. If you don't people will be quite annoyed with you. Slap on the fake "I just got laid, but not really, but I feel great about myself" face and everyone will want to be your friend....maybe you'll even get a crown.