AHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!

So I thought to myself today....

"Self, why don't you post on your Gynie blog anymore?"

And I answered the question after a few minutes of sitting and a cigarette.
Truth is I'm just not that funny anymore.
I just can't think of a way to make unemployed and ridiculously depressed hilarious. Unless you throw in the bit about me working at a shitty job, being exhausted, and all those things leading to me spending thanksgiving alone.
After reading that all I can think is "Someone shut this emo bitch up." Which I am about to do.


And so thoughts of retiring this good ol' blog are in my head.

The death of a Wooooo girl.

So I am told that everyone goes through the feelings that haunt every minute of my day. Monster.com I am your bitch on so many levels. Same to you Lakes Region Free Press, Indeed.com, higeredjobs.com, schoolspring.com, Rutland Herald, and my favorite jobsinvt.com, oh and don't forget vermontjoblink.com. Christ.

I am a college graduate, I'm a hard worker, and in most cases I tend to rule. That means almost nothing to the job market today. I know the shape the economy is in. I fuckin get it already. But this was not supposed to touch me...or more importantly, my ideals.

And this is what we all go through. The fact that there was a person we all thought we'd be at this point and that person does not exist. Its not a bad thing that they don't exist. The point is, they don't.

And then you have a mishap in the shower with some very strong hair removing lotion that should have never got so close to the place where you pee and do a few other things. You look down after a shower and all the sudden your naked down there. Nothing good can come of that. And nothing has.

All you can do is keep going and hopefully it will all work out.

It is almost Christmas and some of my ideals will never die.

And then they all fell down.

The most fabulous thing happened....the fall came. I knew is was almost here and I could feel it in New York but then I came home and she was here.

By tradition fall is the time in my life where things happen to me. The most life happens in autumn. Ironically its also the time things die, they die long horrible whiskey stained deaths. I've earned scars and vagina bruises to prove I've seen both. This year feels like a good one and although my job is a bit crazy things seem to be staying quite calm.

I think I'm going to enjoy this year more than any other I've had in this little village.

Maybe one learns to respect Poultney more when one has been to a Target in Long Island.

Mix one part Jack Daniels with 4 parts hot cider, sprinkle with cinnamon to taste.
Enjoy the month before winter comes again.

The large and terrible frog, terribly large, and largely terrible

I got an IM today.
Simple
"I miss you"
I closed the window so fast, I barely read the "you".
Not the day for this, I thought.

I sat for a second and tried to remember the good things, the wonderful moments, and I know they are there but I can't seem to remember a single one. All I could remember today was blank space, as emo as that shit sounds. There's nothing left there anymore.
Just quiet and the end of something that I can't seem to recall.

Funny.

My chest hurts and I need a drink.

If you aint got no money take your broke ass home.

Well everything has to come to an end and they have.
The theater is a weird, cult-like, almost euphoric place to be.
There's all these people, people you want to be friends with. And by you, I mean me.
When I'm away from any of them for more than a 12 hour period, I get the best welcome back in the world. Everyone stops by the box office, stops and gush "ANNNNNGGGGGG I miss you!!! Where have you been? What are you doing? Do you wanna hang out tonight?" And I eat that shit up like I'm a starving child in Africa. In return I do the same when they leave and return 2 days later. It's amazing. Drama. It drives the whole summer. Its beautiful as fuck.

I've now started a new job, a real job. A job that requires me to have a "work" persona. It feels a bit strange and completely dishonest. When someone makes a comment like "I was so tired I almost fell asleep at my desk!" followed by a huge laugh, a laugh as if they had come up with the phrase, a laugh as if they had thought about it the night before and thought 'this is gonna be a real zinger', I just want to throw their stapler through the window and punch their computer screen. Instead, I laugh too, I say something like "You're hilarious, I cant BELIEVE you are that tired, wow, you must be the most tired person in the world, you're a real hoot, you know that, do you know what a freakin hoot you are" In the real world, people love that. That reaction will at least get you on a Christmas card list somewhere. A card with a happy family, a tree, and a dog. I don't know what is worse, being not funny with a perfect Christmas card to send out or being secretly hilarious and having a problem with drinking.
You decide.
I prefer being funny, there's less clean up.

Well I have to take a nap and take my dog for walk.
My life is so exciting right now I could stab myself in the leg.
Happy Holidays

Other than that

Youre a creeeeeeppppeerrrr.

Omigod,
omigod you guys.....

Life is pretty freakin awesome right now. The theater is once again ruling my world like a fever. Everyday I'm there I'm just pumped to be chilin with the people I am in fact chillin with. Beautiful Beautful.
I don't think one knows what true happiness is until you break out into song, and not just any song, a little dittie from Legally Bonde The Musical. And when you break out into that song, no one is looking at you with puzzled and embarrassed faces, they are singing along with you. The whole moment feels like maybe there is hope in this world after all. There has to be if people still know how to sing songs that have no meaning whatsoever, except that jazz hand are just fucking fun to rock.

Not to mention I've been reminded how amazing long islands are again.

Hell yeah I'll take your ticket order and I will love every second of it because that is what I do. I will own the shit out of that all day if it means I get to be a part of this insane summer.

I've never been so entertained in ALL my life.

Like a tampon thief I had to pull some strings.

Its toooooooooo late for me to be up right now. I want to sleep, sleep, sleep. Unfortunately I decided that two long islands with dinner was a good idea....not just a good idea but a great idea. And then I realized I was wide wide awake and everyone I know is in bed.

I will be spending tomorrow working and when I say working, I mean wooooorrrrkkkkiing.

I spent my whole morning at the grandest grocery store on the planet. It smells like deli meat, cardboard, and air conditioning in that place. It's kinda like Walmart without the greeter when you first walk into the store. That guy sucks anyway, all you really need is a cart boy. Any more people up front is overkill. It borders showing off. Bastards.

I got to chat with CMB today. He went on a date with the new girl from the bakery last week. I was all cocky, tired, and shaking from the 40,000 cups of coffee I had drank before it was even 9 in the morning and I decided it would be in my best interest to ask him how the date was. So I did.
"So how was your date last week?"
"Oh, it was okay, but there was no sparks, so we're not going out again."
Now in my head I'm giving myself a mental high five because I'm so excited about this development. And I think 'okay here's your chance Ang, say something awesome, say something insightful, say something sexy, say something, say something, just fucking say SOMETHING!'
"Well I know about sparks, I smoke cigarettes ALL the time."
He laughed. But not in that 'wow this girl is super funny, really smart and kinda hot' sorta way, but more in that 'yeah she's kind of a loser with no conversational skilllzzz' kinda way.
Pride is really stupid invention and I've decided to veto the want for it. It looks stupid with my white collared shirt anyway.
End o story.

OKay well it's time for me to lay my weary head down. Tomorrow is opening night so in 24 hours I will be drinking free wine, dancing in the Colony House living room, and laughing my ass off because the people at my job rule. And life is good.